A Picture Is A Thousand Words
by catcatcatcatcat
Summary: Let's go through the Organization Yearbook shall we? Let us see what horrors will greet us in... DEAR LORD IS XIGBAR ACTUALLY SHAVING HIS LEGS IN THIS ONE?
1. Chapter 1

I thought of this while writing Rubber Palm Tree. Enjoy while laughing at the fact that I don't own KH2.

A Picture is a Thousand Words 

Picture One: The Voodoo Ducky

As we browse through the yearbook of the Organization if you go to the very first page of the book and looked at the center you will find a very startling image of Vexen jabbing acupuncture pins into a harmless yellow rubber ducky.

The caption reads:

Vexen and the Voodoo Ducky 

WAIT! Before you throw away this yearbook saying 'What a sadist' remember! You can't judge a book by its cover! Or first page in this case…

Every picture has a story.

Won't you at least listen to this one?

XxXxX

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"YOU'LL NEVER SURVIVE!!! NE-VAH!!!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T!!!"

"KILL! KILL! KILL!"

"NOT BEFORE I INCAPITATE YOU FIRST!"

"EAT MY ASS, FREAK!!!"

"IN-BUH-CEELE!!!"

"YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY AND THEN SHOVE IT!"

The earsplitting screeches of two video game titans at war resonate through the walls of the Castle That Never Was.

Roxas and Zexion looked above, at the plaster falling from the ceiling.

"Looks like those two are at it again…"

"Can't they just get over it already?"

"Nah… This is an extreme battle of morals and a huge strain on their manly pride… Not that they had any in the first place…" Roxas was pacing around room trying to catch 'snowflakes' on his tongue.

"…Hmm… I wonder what they're playing this time?"

"Most likely that new game Xigbar got. What was it called again? Tries of the Fartless? Wives of the Smartless? Cries of the Cartless?" Roxas struggled to remember the name.

"… I think you mean 'Rise of the Heartless'…" By this point Zexion looked as if he had a severe case of dandruff.

XxXxX

"Hey! It looks like those two are playing that new game I bought."

Xemnas smile was strained. "Must be very fun since they have been playing it _non stop_ for _two weeks_…"

"So _that's_ why I never see them at lunch anymore!"

Xaldin sighed. "And I told them it was tacos yesterday…"

"And they turned them down?"

"Yep." Xaldin nodded glumly. It was rare when people didn't want to eat his cooking.

"… This _has_ indeed become a serious matter…"

XxXxX

"HAH! I TOTALLY WIN! L-O-S-E-R!!! LOSER!" Axel threw his controller at his now peeved opponent.

"I DEMAND A REMATCH!"

"That'll be you're 667849th rematch and you're 667849th loss. Just face it. The younger generation _always_ wins at video games."

Vexen hated the smug grin on the face of humanity.

"Are you guys done yet? I want to play." Roxas popped his head into the room.

As Axel yelled yes, Vexen gave Roxas the exact opposite answer.

"… I WANT TO PLAY TOO!!!" Demyx charged into the area wrestling the controller from Vexen like a determined rabid dog.

"…" Vexen glowered at the younger members of the organization.

_The younger generation _always_ wins…_

Humanity really was laughing at him.

XxXxX

"Damn you younger generation! Damn you all!" Releasing his pent up anger Vexen started to throw a fit.

It was really a comical sight.

And then he saw it.

It was really an innocent looking thing with it's orange yellow beak and it's yellow rubber body and it's cute wide open eyes but…

_Why the hell is a children's bath toy doing on my desk? _

Vexen's eyes narrowed. There was only one possible explanation.

This was the evil working of Larxene. Only she would think of something as dumb and stupid and pointlessly idiotic as this. That's when Vexen saw the note.

Vexen, This is Demyx's rubber ducky. This seems like the safest place currently but remember. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM GET IT. – The Superior

Or maybe Larxene wasn't _that_ dumb and stupid and pointlessly idiotic.

He whipped his head to face the duck. So this was Demyx's huh? Well Demyx must cherish it very much. Such an _immature_, young person.

_That's right. He's part of the younger generation._

Suddenly Vexen had an evil glint in his eyes and a smirk on his face.

_Who says the younger generation _always _has to win?_

XxXxX

Forty-five minutes later Vexen was sticking needles and various other sharp articles into a rubber duck with great relish. But don't worry. Demyx's ducky is in the corner safe and sound.

What Vexen was doing was trying to find what would turn the duck into a hideous creation. That's why he had gone and bought three hundred rubber ducks from Wal-Mart for a low two dollars.

There were ways on bargaining that Vexen had just thought up at the cash register when he really didn't have the required amount of money. It involved the sharper parts of his shield and frostbite.

But there was a problem. First of all Wal-Mart had kicked him out and second of all he was already on his 289th duck.

But it was all worth it. All very worth it.

Even if he would be spending a lot of time cleaning up the on growing misshapen pile of yellow ducks. Oh and scraping off the yellow puddle from the ceiling.

"This formula's going to work, I just know it will!" Vexen muttered to himself as he jabbed in another needle.

An explosion rocked the castle and Vexen spat out a piece of debris from his mouth. "… IT'LL BE THE NEXT ONE YOU FOOLS!" He threw the lump of charred yellow rubber with the rest of the mutants.

The next few minutes passed in silence when –

"HEY VEXEN! WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE?" Demyx charged down the stairs crashing into a wall. "IS THIS YOU'RE SECRET LABORATORY?"

"Well it's not so secret now…" Vexen muttered under his breath as he tried to hide the original duck behind him.

"Yeah well Xemnas wanted to … OMFG!!! LOOK AT ALL THE GOBY CHANS!" Demyx ran around gleefully as he noticed that he was knee deep in 'Goby-chans'… "DID YOU MAKE THEM ALL FOR ME? AWW YOU'RE SO NICE VEXEN! Xemnas took my first Goby Chan and hid him and now that you've made a goby paradise well – THANK YOU VEXEN!!!" Demyx ran out with an armload of ducks.

"You're… welcome?" Vexen stared at the duck in his hands not knowing what had just occurred. And suddenly he realized something.

Demyx just took all of his test subjects.

And then –

"NUMBER FOUR GET YOU'RE ASS UP HERE!" Vexen cringed as he heard the Superior's voice echo to his ears.

And then he started to throw a fit again.

"MY LAB IS A MESS, MY SLEEPING QUARTERS ARE DESTROYED AND DEMYX JUST TOOK ALL MY TEST SUBJECTS!!! SO NO SUPERIOR! I WILL NOT GET MY ASS UP THERE! I AM GOING TO STAY DOWN HERE AND SULK BECAUSE THE YOUNGER GENERATION ALWAYS WINS! AND I CAN'T WIN SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO SULK!"

Utter silence over took the castle.

"…What did you just say to me Number Four?"

"I SAID THE YOUNGER GENERATION ALWAYS WIN SO I CAN'T WIN!!! NOW SHUT UP SO I CAN DIE IN PEACE!"

More silence. In fact it was so quiet you could probably drop a pin at the lowest part of the basement and hear it on the rooftop terrace.

"Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"YES OR ARE YOU DEAF?"

An IM Conversation Between Axel, Roxas and Demyx That Night 

**Goby#9:** wut happened earlier today with Vexen and Xemnas was… wow…

**KeySpaz:** yea that was… intense… Especially the part where Xemnas got Saix, Lexaeus _and_ Xigbar to drag Vexen from his lab while he was kicking and screaming and fighting. I was watching the whole thing. It was FUNNY!!!

**PyroPunk:** Yeah! Vexen totally pwned!!!

**KeySpaz:** TOTAL MENTAL PWNAGE!!! XD

**PyroPunk:** XD

**Goby#9:** I feel bad for him. After all he went and got me all these Gobies… BUT IT'S STILL FUNNY!!! XDXDXD!!!

**KeySpaz:** Did you hear what happened after?

**PyroPunk: **His punishment? Oh yea… Wasn't he supposed to sort all the rubber ducks in the storehouses in the back of the castle?

**Goby#9:** XD. GOBY!!!

**KeySpaz:** Yeah and the whole time, through the whole incident Vexen kept on yelling 'I can't win…' Weird huh?

**Goby#9:** What couldn't he win?

**KeySpaz:** Dunno…

**PyroPunk: **XD I think this has something to do with me beating him at 667848 games of Rise of the Heartless…

**KeySpaz:** So?

**PyroPunk:** The thing is I kept on losing making him think that the winner screen was the loser screen and vice versa.

**KeySpaz:** but didn't it say 'winner' and 'loser' on the screen?

**PyroPunk:** Yeah… he actually believed me…XDXDXD!!!

**KeySpaz:** ROFL!!!

**Goby#9:** LMAO!!!

**PyroPunk: **The moral of this is not to be an idiot and actually READ the screen.

XXxxXXxxXX

I just thought what if that happened and I was laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe. But here's something I have to tell you. A goby is fish where if you catch one or find one you have to kill it. So my dad caught one and he threw it in a garbage can and then… IT CRAWLED OUT AGAIN… So really, in other words, a goby is a nuisance. LOL - Shadoom


	2. Chapter 2

I finally found a way to get on the computer. AH HA HAH HA!!! I think this all connects to me saying I LOVE PAIN in the middle of the road during rush hour… Oh well without further notice…I BRING YOU PICTURE TWO!!! Enjoy while laughing at the fact that I don't own KH2.

A Picture is a Thousand Words 

Picture Two: The Dented Fender

On the lower right hand corner of the first page in the yearbook there is a picture of Luxord in the front seat of Xemnas's silver Jaguar, which had crashed into the rear end of Larxene's Vespa, Saix's Camry LE and smashing directly into Xigbar's purple Ford.

Oh and he had this stoned expression of obvious hangover on his face. Underneath in scrawled black ball point pen were the words:

Luxord – Car Killer 

The effects of alcohol are truly horrifying, meh?

XxXxX

"Please Superior! Let me borrow you're car!"

"Give me one good reason why I should."

"Because mine's in the shop!"

"Yes… That's right… Remind me why again?"

"Because I got drunk at the bar and I crashed it…"

"And where are you planning to go if I let you borrow my car?"

"… The bar…"

"My point exactly…"

"C'mon Superior –"

"No."

"I mean this time – "

"No."

"Stop being so – "

"No."

"I promise not to – "

"NO NUMBER TEN. I AM NOT GOING TO LEND YOU MY CAR. PERIOD." Xemnas had a wild glint in his eyes as he turned around to face the gambler square in the eye.

"O-okay… I'll go ask… someone else…" Luxord slowly backed out of the room.

Next stop: Xigbar.

XxXxX

A few minutes later an indescribable shrieking noise screech through the castle. "PLEASE SUPERIOR!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!" Luxord was on his knees, shaking and crying.

Everybody else in the castle had rejected his offer as well, even though Axel _had_ considered, and Luxord was back where he started. Groveling at Xemnas's feet.

"So?" Xemnas raised an eyebrow as he turned away from the weeping mess and poured himself some tea.

"YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!! I NEED MY ALCOHOL AND YOU KNOW IT!!!"

"Two hundred and fifty per hour. You pay for the gas, tickets and any necessary repairs."

"Okay!" Luxord quickly snatched for the keys.

"Oh and do me a favor," When Xemnas was sure he had his subordinate's attention he faced him and threw him the keys. "Don't crash it like the last thirty two times."

_Dear lord what have I done?_

Three Minutes Later 

"I LIKE BEER CUZ' IT IS GOOD…" Xemnas winced as he heard the caterwauling of certain beer obsessed individual and a crash. "Oh shit there goes the mailbox…" And he started to slam his head into the wall three or four times.

XxXxX

"I know the Superior said not to crash into any thing or do anything stupid but… I CAN'T HELP IT!!!" Luxord drove through a nearby WalMart laughing like a madman while running over dozens of innocent people.

Needless to say, there were very many casualties that night and the insurance companies had a fit after what they saw at the scene of crime.

Whoops my bad… _Scenes_ of crime.

Five Hours Later 

"Um… Superior how long are you going to just… sit there?" Vexen poked his head in the door staring at the leader of the mighty organization XIII.

"Until that fool comes back you idiot… Now go back to sorting those rubber ducks."

It would seem that the mighty organization XIII has… fallen. Very far…

A crash. The shattering of glass. The sound of many car alarms going off. The angry shouting of a rioting mob.

Xemnas pushed himself to the window afraid to see the sight that would greet him. "LUXORD I'M GOING TO - "And stopped.

Luxord wasn't fool enough to bring back an angry mob with him… He wouldn't…

… He would.

Xemnas charged for the door. "NUMBER TEN I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

XxXxX

"OH MY GOD!!! MY POOR BABY!!! YOU'VE KILLED HER!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST? SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH SURGERY NOW!" Xigbar screamed like an obsessed and possessed fan girl when he saw the damage done to his car. He quickly turned to Luxord with murderous intent in his amber eyes. "YOU! YOU DID THIS… I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

"Get in line freak." Larxene cracked her knuckles as she headed over to the drunkard.

Saix just gave the poor drunkard a sadistic smile.

And Saix never smiles…

**Thirty Minutes Later**

A certain organization member leaned against the castle wall panting.

Three other organization members were on the floor, bruised and injured. Xemnas's jaw dropped at the sight.

"NOTHING BEATS THE POWER OF DRUNKEN FIST SO NEVER UNDERESTIMATE IT!" Luxord crowed waving around a rather large bottle of beer.

One of the rioters came up to Xemnas. "Excuse me, are you the owner of this castle? Because if so I'd like you to evacuate everyone and everything in it…"

A few minutes later Luxord turned his head to see Xemnas stalking toward him with a crumpled paper in his clenched fist and an aura of absolute fury surrounding him.

Luxord instantly paled. "Nothing but… but debt collectors…"

Inside 

**Demyx:** Do you hear something?

**Roxas:** I think I hear an angry riot…

**Axel:** Is that Luxord screaming?

**Roxas:** Do you think he brought back an angry riot?

**Demyx and Axel:** Nah… he wouldn't.

A few minutes later 

**Axel:** … He would wouldn't he?

**Roxas:** Yeah he would.

**Demyx:** Look outside the window.

Pause 

**Axel: **Oh well.

XXxxXXxxXX

FINISHED! I always thought Luxord was the drinking type who would go crazy and cause chaos everywhere so… Heh… LUXORD BASHING HERE! Yep I'm a crazy girl all the way my people! But it's not because I dislike Luxord, Actually he's one of my favorite characters but… AXEL IS SECOND TO NONE! Next up… We have… HA HAH HA HAH… I'm crying at this… -Shadoom


	3. Chapter 3

… When you're reading this story I'd like you to visualize it because… LOL, LOL, LOL!!! XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD!!! I'm sorry I can't help myself… Well enjoy!

P.S. I think it's more then obvious now that I'm just a crazy girl who is dirt poor.

A Picture is a Thousand Words 

Picture Three: Knitting Needles of… WTF?

If you let you're eyes hit the first picture on the second page of a certain leather bound book you'd be sure to drop it in shock or hysteria. Or maybe a combination of both. All we know is that anyone who has seen this picture always leaves in a fit of laughter.

Yes… That's right… Yes you're not dreaming… Uh huh… Please don't faint I still need you to review…

Yes… LEXAEUS IS KNITTING A PINK AND YELLOW CARDIGAN IN THE PICTURE!!!

And right underneath in shaky script are the letters:

_WTF?!?!?_

XxXxX

Lexaeus' stuck his head outside the hallway, eyes darting around. Yep, the coast was clear.

He quickly locked the door and turned up the T.V. volume (WWW Smackdown) as he rummaged under the bed for what he was looking for. Aha! There they were!

His cashmere yellow and pink eyelash yarn.

…If only Demyx hadn't found out the next day by raiding his room…


	4. Chapter 4

This story is dedicated to Hayley who gave me the idea. And who has also been _dying_ for me to post it up. Oh and it's also dedicated to me because… well because I'm the author so… HA!

A Picture is a Thousand Words 

Picture Four: Of Flower Pots and Super Glue

Flip to the third page of the book will you? Yes the one that's half eaten. YES, THAT ONE!

Yep. The one with the flowerpot stuck onto Xaldin's ass like the way seniors stick freshman into garbage cans. It's kinda funny to look at.

Unfortunately the caption has been eaten away by some unknown force. So we'll call it:

Flowerpots Aren't Just For Marluxia 

Who knew Xaldin had a fetish for flowerpots+Shakes head dismally+

XxXxX

"Hey Xaldin! Come over here for a minute will you?" Axel beckoned for the older member towards him as he poked his head around the corner of the hallway.

Xaldin could hear someone snickering behind Axel and he heard a little voice in his head say 'Don't do it'.

No I'm serious, he honestly HEARD that voice!

But did he listen to his better judgment? Oh no. He just _had_ to go around the corner.

…

Well serves him right.

The two of them had a little chat about Lexaeus' weird hobby of knitting when Axel shoved him 'accidentally' into one of those knee high _heavy_ flowerpots that Marluxia had insisted to keep inside the castle.

Okay so that wasn't so bad now was it?

And when Xaldin tried to tug it off his ass well…

Let us just say Demyx 'coincidentally' had emptied an entire tube of super glue into that _very_ flowerpot that _very_ day.

Those two have a lot of time on their hands don't they?

… Well like I said… Serves him right…

**VEXEN'S LAB 1:00 P.M.**

"Two drops of sodium added with some yarrow will equal to – Oh… my…" Vexen tried to hide the smile on his face as he saw an extremely pissed off Organization member stomp into his lab. "What can I do for you Xaldin?"

"Do you any solvent for superglue?"

"Hmm? Ah yes. Wait right here I'll get it for you." Vexen rummaged around his messy, rubber duck littered desk. "Speaking of superglue could you find Demyx for me? He seems to have taken my new extra super glue. I need it back so I can make more solvent for it. Zexion has the rest you see…"

Wordlessly Xaldin stormed up the stairs – but not without whacking the stone pot on the doorframe, chipping it slightly.

**THE SIXTH FLOOR LIBRARY 2:00 P.M.**

As Zexion looked up to see what the ruckus was about he made a simple observation: There was a giant chipped flowerpot stuck on Xaldin's rear end. 

"Solvent. For super glue. Vexen gave it to you." Xaldin spoke in short, chopped up sentences as he gave Zexion a glare.

"Chht. That stuff? Useless. Gave it all to Demyx." Zexion waved Xaldin off and Xaldin once again left as angrily as he came.

As Xaldin left he made another observation:

Xaldin did not walk – he waddled.

**SEVENTH FLOOR 3:00 P.M.**

"Just smash it with your claymore Saix!" Xaldin was yelling at the blue haired member who was currently calmly ignoring him.

"Just what is so interesting about that book?" Xaldin angrily paced around the room. "I'm just asking you to get rid of this flower pot! Just … I don't know, tap it!"

Still no answer from Saix.

"Fine!" Saix let out a breath when he heard the elder member leave and continued to read.

_And then this little piggy went wee wee wee, all the way home._

EIGHTH FLOOR 4:00 P.M 

Demyx was dancing in the halls when Xaldin 'happened' upon him. Xaldin had lowered his face menacingly at the water wielder.

"Where is the solvent for the super glue?" Glare, glare, glare.

Demyx stuck out a defiant chin. "I ate it."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Nah… just joking – We flushed it down the toilet."

**DINNER 7:00 P.M.**

Dinner was eaten in silence with the absence of members eight and nine.

Xemnas was eating normally – not eating that is. Xigbar was shoveling it in as if he had been fasting. Vexen was reading and scribbling things down and now and then he'd spoon something into his mouth. Lexaeus was eating like a small heifer – just dumping it in. Zexion ate slowly. Saix ate like a normal person would. Luxord wasn't eating – he was guzzling down beer. Marluxia was picking through his salad. Larxene was staring maliciously down at her chicken leg with a glint in her eyes. Roxas was looking down at his food.

And Xaldin was slowly stabbing his food. On a stool because the flower pot wouldn't allow Xaldin to sit down properly.

Nobody commented on it because they saw the extent of the damage that Axel and Demyx had received.

And suddenly the most wondrously loud noise echoed through the room.

It was a fart.

And the flower pot had broken off of Xaldin's butt like pieces of egg shells.

Everybody started laughing at the glowering third member.

That is, until the smell settled in.

XxXxX

YEAH! IT UPLOADED! Note to everybody who reads my fanfics and is wondering about the super long hiatus. I think there was a glitch in either my account or my computer because it wasn't letting me update anything. –Shadoom


	5. Chapter 5

I was actually running low on my imagination crack so

I was actually running low on my imagination crack so... heh heh… I'M SORRY, I REALLY AM. And it doesn't help that I'm sick as hell and I might die from my contagious disease,

**A Picture is a Thousand Words**

_Picture Five: Insanity with Zexion_

If you shake the book from its spine, dozens of pictures will fly out because they were messily glued down by a certain bubbly organization member.

But only one will stick out – because it's the one with a streak of red on it.

Zexion running amok with a chainsaw.

Yes. That's right. A chainsaw. And yes. Your eyes are not fooling you. That is a true genuine crazy eyed expression on Zexion's face. And yes he is running around with his tongue lolling out of the corner of his drooling jaw.

And no the world has not ended yet.

And if you flip the photo over you'll read the caption:

_Zexion Gone Wild_

XxXxX

"Okay – how old are you now Zexy?" Demyx bubbled around, jumping around like a bird on crack.

"Don't call me that – And I lost count." Zexion, not paying attention to Demyx, as he fingered through a well read book. "Why? You want to give me… these… 'Birthday beats'?"

"No – Marly came up with this new thing – Instead of 'Birthday Beats' he made up 'Birthday Humps'!"

…At this Zexion closed his book with a loud snap and just walked away.

XxXxX

At that very same moment in the kitchens of the castle, Marluxia was busy trying to sneak past Xaldin to get to the cake mix.

… He planned on dumping a whole lot of alcohol into the batter – Zexion was so uptight so how would it hurt if he loosened up a tad?

Marluxia never really thought about the consequences as he yelled out "OH MY GAWD – THERE'S A COCKROACH IN THE CUPCAKES!" and ran for the batter, a bottle of Luxord's strongest ale clutched in his hands like a life line.

He'll regret this – believe me, he will.

XxXxX

And now we find Zexion running away from Axel, Luxord and Xigbar; swearing his ass off. "NO – I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY OF THESE 'BIRTHDAY HUMPS'. I DON'T CARE WHAT SEXUAL PREFERENCE YOU IDIOTS ARE – I REFUSE TO BE ASSUALTED IN SUCH AN INDIGNIFIED MANNER."

But they don't care – They never care. They never think about the consequences.

But they will – oh yes, they will…

XxXxX

"HAH-PEE BIRD-DAY TOOOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…"

Zexion gave the group an exhausted deadpan stare. He had managed to avoid the three and apparently somebody had coaxed Xemnas into one of those cone shaped dunce party caps. And now he had to endure the rabidly horrible singing of his coworkers.

At least there was cake. That was probably the only thing Zexion looked forward to.

But soon no one else would support that fact.

Because no one would want to.

XxXxX

…Everybody stared at Zexion as he civilly ate his slice of cake. His rather large slice of cake.

Large as in half the cake. Which he had scarfed down at a balanced pace. Well balanced as in under five minutes.

'_Crap'_ Marluxia is kind of trying to take back his actions of dumping three tankards of booze into the cake.

XxXxX

And now everyone was running away to escape the result of Zexion's pent up stress related wrath and Demyx's stupidity.

You see – Zexion became quite drunk – as in, insane straight down to my boots drunk.

And Demyx gave him a chainsaw for his birthday. Yes as in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre/Saw chainsaw.

And Zexion was having the time of his life with it.

XxXxX

That day everybody learned a lesson. First – never give Zexion birthday humps. Second – don't get Zexion drunk. Third – Don't give him a chainsaw for his birthday – you're not helping the situation.

XXxxXXxxXX

XD – The follow up to this is in Rubber Palm Tree. You've got to love Zexion's birthday parties – and birthday humps? Stay away from them Shadoom


End file.
